Monday Monday...

Today is such a Monday. You know the drill...hard to wake up, eyes crusty, not enough coffee, absolutely no motivation! Shall i go on? Those darn eyes keep closing at the most in appropriate times! Weekend recovery is so crappy! There is something so wrong when a TOTAL MORNING PERSON becomes an ANTI-MORNING PERSON overnight! i truly enjoyed this weekend. The thing is: what did i do? Nothing! i worked at Monkeez Brew on Saturday morning, and then went shopping with my Mom---then, i visited w/ my "Sis", Beth, and "Nephew", Levi, and Mimi---then, i napped...'til 7 pm. Let me tell you one thing...that was the best treat in the world! i am totally in awe of that child. From looking into his eyes to observing the interaction between him and his mother. It's absolutely beautiful and incredible!

Sunday, my family went to my Grandmother Donnie's, church for homecoming. i was very stressed about going; however, after talking it through with my Mom, i felt much better. The relationship between my Mom and myself has really began to stregthen, and i am so thankful. She is such a blessing to me and that helps me so much with my recovery! Anyway...the homecoming was actually very nice! i was able to speak with one of the pastors whom was so caring and helpful as my Grandfather was ill. Uhhum...Karen you know who you are!!!:) Plus, i think it meant a lot to Mammaw. Then, what else did it do? Of course, it was Sunday---i went to DeBeen, caught up with Gavin (Rock On!!!), took another nap, and then went by Monkeez Brew and helped out. Very nice weekend. Lazy weekend! HAPPY WEEKEND! CRAPPY MONDAY! Oh well...Monday's soon to be over!

Good morning Thomasville! Before i get yelled at---i have been so busy! Actually WORK! Both at my job, and on myself! i have been really digging into issues that bother me! Issues that have kept me stuck in an "icky" place for the past 13 years--scary stuff that i had rather leave in my past and not unwravel. However, with the help of family, my AMAZING treatment team, and my Lord and Savior i have somehow been able to move on. Oh yeah, my awesome baby girl, Mollie, doesn't hurt the situation. What i'm beginning to realize, as well, is the fact that the more i move on, the more i realize about the beauty in life. i know, i know very cheesy. But...Life is Good---really, it is. Even, the down times--they make is strong! i am a firm believer in this. i have experienced it. And, as i have learned----the Bible is such a stable truth. A wise friend recently told me to sleep with my Bible (to give me peace)...PERFECT! i hate to stop, but work is calling!

Oops!

Yes, i will begin with an apology...However, there is a reason and it's legit!
i've been having computer mishaps which are currently unresolved---Therefore this blog comes from the office (keep it on the low!) Have you ever taken the time on a Sunday afternoon to actually DO NOTHING? i'm not talking about sitting back and watching t.v. while munching on potato chips and slurping sodas. i'm talking about really literally---just lying down and soaking in the sounds and the feel of the air---the bed against your body. Well, that's just what i did yesterday afternoon. i had planned my afternoon, as i always do, but i felt the need from my body to try something different. It seemed like my body was pleading with me to just stop and relax. i actually listened, and am glad i did so. It was such a new experience for me and i feel so much better now that i did so. For 3 and 1/2 hours i streched out on my futon with my "little girl" Mollie, and that was the extent of it. We simply lie there---no distractions. When i went to bed at night, i slept uninterrupted and wholly. It was wonderful and i totally correlate it with my afternoon relaxation. Then, i was able to awake feeling rested and prepared for a new week. For the first time in a long while, i was able to begin my day with a great devotion time. That in itself made my day "happy" because it always does. Anytime i begin the day in meditation with God---well, doesn't that speak for itself?!

Persistence

Ok...i know, i know, i know---i have slacked!  What, over a week since i last blogged?  Shame on me---but...i have an excuse.  Maybe not such a legitimate excuse, but one none the less.  In the past week i have been sincerely focusing on me.  Woah, that sounds so incredibly conceited---trust me, conceited i am NOT!  (considering the fact that my self-esteem generally lingers around "minimal" and "non-existent")  So, i digress...It's funny how something that seems so positive and productive (focusing on me) typically becomes distressing and problematic for me.  What happens is that i tend to nit pick---in the end i focus on the negative and begin to dwell and OBSESS!  By the time i finish, i have diminished myself to mere crap.  This conclusion leaves me feeling alone and worthless.  The peculiar thing is this:  i am so manic that in the next moment, i may be "high on life"---which is more consistent with my general outlook (on life).  

What's the point of these insights?  What i've concluded is that a) focus is good, as long as it is appropriate, b) i MUST have someone healthy available to keep me in check w/ reality (since my "reality gauge" is most often inaccurate), and c) sometimes life isn't meant to be explained--it only demands that we engage and experience.  i am learning that as i do so, the rest usually falls into place.  Sometimes where it falls is an entirely unexplored place which scares the mess out of me, but as i stay with it and work my way through, i am blessed with some new experience---Sometimes, this "life" thing is soooo crazy... 

Small Changes, Huge Difference

So, this week's project has been "office renovations".  i recently began a new job.  i now work at Bartimaeus by Design, which is my uncle, Eddie's, business.  Small scale my uncle know's not!  This one business is of many, all housed by Brinkley Marketing Agency.  Well, thanks to Steve Byerly (laugh) my office had been painted this horrendous shade of dark red.  There is actually no word for it.  Eddie had given me permission to "redecorate" the office to suit me...Well, the crew (Mom and Pop) moved in on last Thursday and began the work.  We painted the room yellow, brought in my desk, along with numerous items to make the space more "me".  The majority of the work was completed yesterday and it looks AMAZING!  You can't even imagine it ever looking as it did in the past!  Basically, "Extreme Home Makeover" has nothing on the "Dream Team"  of Mom and Pop!  

The main point of this blog is---in all areas of life, think of how strong an impact even the simplest of changes may bring forth.  It may been regarding habits, day-to-day activities, relationships, self-image, self-talk, perceptions on your job (or even your life).  It relates to EVERYTHING!  Seriously, it's really incredible!  Think about it---all we need to do (many times) is to take the time necessary to implement "small changes" or alterations to the way we've "always done it" and chances are that we will be pleasantly surprised with the results...And hey, if we aren't, all it takes is more "small changes" to bring forth new results!  Sounds exciting to me, and hey...i'm on for the ride!  Jump aboard!

Freedom Day...

Happy 4th of July (ok, so i'm a day late...)  That's a good problem for me because i was actually busy!  i was taking care of things at work and then i celebrated with family!  To begin the day, i stopped down stairs and got my triple shot iced redeye.  Then, i headed down to the office to check e-mail for answers one of our customers needed.  After responding, i headed to begin my July 4th preparations...i went to K-mart and bought a baby pool (for dipping our feet) and some festive plates.  Then, i went w/ my Dad to get groceries.  Have you ever noticed that when you try to take the "simple way" it seems that you spend the most money?  By the time we got back to my apartment, it was time to start the grill.  i went to pick up my grandmother and some tea from Mickey D's...When we got back to the apartment, my other grandparents had arrived.  We all hung out while Dad and Pop cooked the burgers (and my Portabella).  After we finished, we sat on the deck w/ Mollie and talked.  By 9 o'clock everyone left and Mollie and i sat and searched for free samples of fireworks (sucks being poor).  We saw a few, but mainly heard them from the opposite direction (which we were unable to see).  We ended up watching "Harry Potter" (and the Sorceror's Stone), which satisfied me.  So, that's my story...it's a pretty uneventful day, but it was my day and hey, i had fun!

Switchin' it up...

Okay, so here's the scoop...

It really shocks me how quickly the direction of your life can change.  For example, one year ago i was working at a nursing home, in Social Work.  i was happy with a job in my degree (Psychology) , but unhappy with the actual situation (long story--maybe later).  i was also working part-time at DeBeen.  That situation rocked.  i worked with one of my best friends and the customers were just like family.  Then, in September my world completely changed.  Our family opened a coffee shop, Monkeez Brew, and i began to work there.  Then, at the beginning of '08 i also began to work at My Uncle, Eddie's office.  Let it be noted:  i have NEVER done office work before---never had any interest in it.  However, my Uncle tends to have an abundance of faith in me and he offered me the job.  (Did i mention that he's always trying to help me out?)  So, i took it.  While it is full of new challenges for me (not to mention gobs of stress), i can't believe i'm saying this:  i absolutely love it!  i learn every day and i'm simply having a blast!  It also amazes me how fulfilling a job can actually be.  So here's my point:  Don't ever hesitate to try something new due to fear...you never know what surprises await you!

Sunday-afternoon Socrates

Well...i've been thinking.  Yes it's okay ---no damage this time!  So, here's the deal:  Why do we make life so complicated?  Hear me out-  If ya really think about it, life was made to be so simple.  It only becomes complicated because WE make it that way.  i'm not saying that we don't go through crappy situations, but even times like that are not so bad (in the end).  In my opinion, the outcome is more a reflection of our perspective.  Yep, i know that sounds so cheesy---just how i see things.  i am a master at doing this.  The things i face which really aren't a big deal...somehow, i ALWAYS end up making out to be a mountain.  We're not talking "a big deal" here---they become enormous.  It's like the world is ending.  It's all over--i'm gonna crumble up and die.  My point is this:  my fear causes me to view things in a totally warped perspective.  However, in the times that i stop and breathe i am able to gain a more accurate perspective on the situation.  For me, if i am able to let go of my pride and surrender the power (of the situation) to a Higher Power (for me this is God), the cloudiness seems to dissipate and a resolution becomes more apparent.  Okay, so this is definitely a short blog, but all of this thinking on a Sunday is totally wearing me out---time to go shop!   

A New Approach

Well, it has finally happened!  i am connected to the wonderful work of BLOGS!  After a little persuasion from my friends and family i chose to blog.  Doing so is important to me because a)  i love to write---it truly is one of my passions;  b)  the past 13 years have consumed me with countless struggles, and it is so healing for me to write.  It has been the primary way for me to release my pains.  c)  Over the 13 years, i have lost touch with so many friends and this is such an easy way to provide a quick update (for those who are curious)---.  And the number one reason why i chose to blog...(DRUM ROLL PLEASE)  i wanted to try something new for goodness sake!  Okay, enough ramble---welcome to my crazy life...Enter if you dare!!!