Persistence

Ok...i know, i know, i know---i have slacked!  What, over a week since i last blogged?  Shame on me---but...i have an excuse.  Maybe not such a legitimate excuse, but one none the less.  In the past week i have been sincerely focusing on me.  Woah, that sounds so incredibly conceited---trust me, conceited i am NOT!  (considering the fact that my self-esteem generally lingers around "minimal" and "non-existent")  So, i digress...It's funny how something that seems so positive and productive (focusing on me) typically becomes distressing and problematic for me.  What happens is that i tend to nit pick---in the end i focus on the negative and begin to dwell and OBSESS!  By the time i finish, i have diminished myself to mere crap.  This conclusion leaves me feeling alone and worthless.  The peculiar thing is this:  i am so manic that in the next moment, i may be "high on life"---which is more consistent with my general outlook (on life).  

What's the point of these insights?  What i've concluded is that a) focus is good, as long as it is appropriate, b) i MUST have someone healthy available to keep me in check w/ reality (since my "reality gauge" is most often inaccurate), and c) sometimes life isn't meant to be explained--it only demands that we engage and experience.  i am learning that as i do so, the rest usually falls into place.  Sometimes where it falls is an entirely unexplored place which scares the mess out of me, but as i stay with it and work my way through, i am blessed with some new experience---Sometimes, this "life" thing is soooo crazy...